You know what thing makes me sad? It's when I thought I could rely on you but in your case is not. You all just care about yourself and neglect my pain. You were supposed to help me. That what it is, isn't it? And I am not asking for alot. I'm quite independent myself. All I want is help when I needed it. My face is very thin, I won't go to you unless I really needed it. Like when I asked for money to go buy medicine. You just say, "Aiya, I also don't know how and also don't care. No money. Faster go find job. Don't stay at home and rot." All you all know is just push your responsibilties for me to carry it myself. Okay lo, no money no medicine. I don't mind. I fucking don't mind. Like what you all say, it's not the first time I skip my medicine for so many days. Then, I shall not eat anymore. It's not that I want to hurt my body, it is you who make me do this. Fine, I solve my own problems. Should have already knew that I can't depend on you in the first place.

You all suck. Thought that I got HIM, then he can help me solve everything. Sorry hor, I have already said my face is very thin. I hate to ask people for help, especially him. Everyone always say, aiya anything can just depend on your boyfwen; That's what he supposed to do. BULLSHIT, it's really complete bullshit. Why should I let my own problems to be handled by him too? I dowan. I am grateful that he is able to help me when no one can. Thanks so much. But I dowan to owe him anything. This will just give people to have a chance to say that I depended on him. No way, I am very jian de. I always like to do the opposite of what they got to say.

So now my main concern is to find a job asap. No job = no money Apparently I think that pet restaurant is not going to hire me. It has been so long since that interview and yet there is no reply. Even Alvin had got the reply faster than me. It makes me feel so damn disappointed and sad. I thought that it would be nice to work at the pet restaurant. Well, never mind. Bo bian, this is life. I got to move on and find other job! Hurry up, Lareina Ho! If not they going to nag at you and they will excuses to say that you keep rotting at home and do nothing.

Well, another thing that bothers me is fwen. I feel like everyday I go to school, I am putting up a mask and to be someone that is not me. And it's not my fault. Everyone does that, and if I have to tackle all this nonsense. I think that it is really draining all my energy. I just want to be me.

And seriously,
I hate people who are not serious in lesson. I tends to be very serious towards my interest especially theatre stuff, so I will flare up if people are not serious and just want to get the day done and over with.
I hate people who are lazy to the extent that they want people to think for them. Then what for are you still living in this world, might as well go die.
I hate people who copy my idea. I share it with you, I didn't expect that you will be so lazy that you just simply took it in front of my face, thinking that I am okay with it. Well, I am most certainly not okay with it! But, I still got to act that I have no whatsoever problem with you copying my idea.
I hate people who is not listening to what I am saying. So you are so engrossed with each other that you just keep giggling and don't even listen to what I say. Fine, whatever. But I still got to smile and pretend I am okay that you fucking not listening to me even when you asked me to explain it to you. Fuck, why in the fucking first place ask me?!
I hate people who outcast me. So you think that you all whisper whisper secret to one another and kick me out of your conversation is cool huh?? Well, it's not cool at all. At first, I can tolerate with it becos I have no rights to interfere with who you want to talk anyway. But it's so damn obvious you dowan me to be part of your group. You're pushing me away.
I hate people who act innocent to make people like them. Seriously, i have seen through all your acts and finds you disgusting.
I hate people who 'booked' me in advance in case no one want to group with the people.
I hate people who bootlick faci like nobody's business. But it may also partly be the faci's fault. Just a few snacks and will guarantee an A. Who won't want to do it. Even I don't like what these people do, I also have no say on it. Say also will just create more troubles, and besides I need to put on the fucking mask, isn't it?!
I hate people who no matter use what method will also fights for the fucking grade A.
I hate people who is chee hong kia (well, except for jimmy of cos.) Stop it, you horny bastard.
I hate people who always have ulterior motive towards studying. Study only mah, need to fight one another and cause all this nonsense meh??

And lastly, I hate myself. Becos I acted like I am so good fwens with them when actually in my heart, I hated them. I hated what they done and yet I don't say anything at all. So I hate myself. Alot.

RP fwens are all hi-bye fwens, well except for some. Alvin, Jimmy, Mingyee, Simin, Christine, Zinc, e5 people, Pet, Chewy, Shuang... These are all my closest fwens. Fwens that can makes me feel that I am finally ME again. With them, I have nowhatsoever fucking mask on and I can just be crazy. Woohoo. So I love them and really treasure them. Alot. RP fwens.. come on, we don't even know each other long! Four months are not enough to know one another well. The next time you see them, you will just say 'Hi' and 'Bye'. That's all. Haha, hypocrite.

But at least I still have fwens that make me feel like I belong to them and finally I can be myself with no restrictions. So maybe whenever I with them, I will be super happy and hyper too! It really feels good to go home with them after all the cockshit I have to tolerate in class.

Oh by the way, enough of emo shit. Now is a good news. I got a better hp from my sis. Love her for that. Yeah!